Not replying actually causes him to go batshit insane
- Ethan: WAAAAAIT
- Ethan: oh yeah ee has a tumblr hehehe
- Ethan: tell emily to write the girl's state chronicles
- Ethan: pwetty please
- Ethan: *Girls
- Ethan: night
- Ethan: toodeloo, as they say
- Ethan: on the streets
- Ethan: of candyland
- Ethan: FUN FACT
- Ethan: toodeloo is german for see you soon
- Ethan: and now you know
- Ethan: fun fact brought to you by fox news brand tampons
- Ethan: and viewers like you
- Ethan: brown ones
A battle of wits and mothers
- Ethan: will send to my mom, forreals
- Me: neat
- Me: tell her best wishes from prashanth <3
- Ethan: I do, every night before bed
- Me: oh man, you're the one who made it worse
- Me: for the record
- Me: i'm sending this conversation to your mom, forreals
- Me: and my mom
- Ethan: ...
- Me: and the mother of my children
- Ethan: I can't wish my mom good night?
- Ethan: I fail to see how this is worse
- Me: all right, pinko
- Ethan: if anything it's better
- Me: whatever you say, lil che
- Ethan: because I just took my pants off
- Me: kim jong il is rolling in his billion-dollar estate
- Ethan: naked
- Ethan: lubricated with the hopes and dreams of south korea
- Me: wrong korea, but sure
- Ethan: ...
- Me: now it's time for me to point and laugh
- Ethan: that's why he's rolling in their hopes and dreams
- Ethan: ...
- Ethan: that was intentional, even if if was kind of bad
- Me: that doesn't make any sense, and you should be ashamed of yourself
- Ethan: at least I am naked
- Me: false
- Me: go v-chat random girls on the internet
- Me: i hear that's what you usually do when you're naked
- Me: whore
- Me: whore
- Ethan: that always turns out poorly
- Me: you should know
- Ethan: yeah
- Me: communist
- Ethan: name caller
- Me: man i've been watching fox news lately
- Ethan: I can tell
- Me: WHY YOU ASK? BECAUSE I DISCOVERED WE GOT IT RECENTLY
- Me: wanted to see what all the hubbub was about
- Me: you know?
- Ethan: you told me this
- Me: if it really WAS that bad
- Me: but yeah no
- Ethan: the comedy
- Ethan: you stay for the laughs
- Me: they really do call people communists every other word
- Ethan: it's better than snl
- Me: and bill o'reilly is so unfathomably stupid
- Me: like the logic he uses
- Me: if people actually buy into that crap
- Ethan: yeah, that worries me
- Me: it's a sad commentary on how retarded americans actually are
- Me: it actually makes me mad
- Me: but intriguingly so
- Me: so i keep watching
- Me: and absorb the advertising
- Me: it's exactly what they want
- Me: I'M A PART OF THE MACHINE
- Ethan: you're like fox's big filthy tampon
- Ethan: and you love it
- Me: that doesn't make any sense, and you should be ashamed of yourself
- Ethan: "and absorb the advertising"
- Me: (i actually did scroll up so i didn't have to type that again)
- Me: oh
- Ethan: bam
- Ethan: right in the ovaries
- Me: ... well, that's pretty well-done, i have to admit
- Me: never would have made that connection
- Me: but that's probably because i don't have a vagina
- Ethan: thanks, I wrote a script in ichat to search for the word absorb
- Me: thing is you probably did
- Me: communist whore
- Ethan: at least I don't live inside fox's vagina for a few days each month
- Me: in that sense, i'm like a vagina-bear
- Me: a neoconservative vagina-bear
- Me: can someone say band name?
- Me: TO THE BANDWAGON
- Me: bam
- Me: god i'm so good
On dildos
- Duncan: my parents are paying for me to take glass blowing lessons this summer
- Duncan: once i become skilled enough i'll be able to make custon pieces
- Me: LOL WHAT THE FUCK?
- Me: why the hell are you taking GLASS BLOWING LESSONS?
- Me: that's one step away from sucking dix
- Duncan: what?
- Duncan: how?
- Duncan: dude blowing glass would be awesome
- Duncan: could make like anything
- Me: like dildos, dildos, bongs, dildos
- Duncan: there is no blowing in the making of dildos...
- Duncan: im prettysure that theyre made with molds
- Me: dick shaped molds
- Duncan: yeah
- Duncan: but thats not a part of glass blowing
- Me: you've got me again
- Me: oh you trickster you
- Duncan: plus why the fuck would i make dildos?
- Duncan: i get to CHOSE what i make
- Duncan: part of the fun of it
- Me: and then using the dildos later
- Me: that's like the icing on the cake
- Duncan: well maybe you have your dildo fantasies
- Duncan: i on the otherhand shall be sticking to bongs
- Me: MORE LIKE DONGS MIRITE
- Me: *high five*
- Duncan: hmmm
- Duncan: depending on the situation
- Duncan: could be a win
- Duncan: like bong+chick
- Duncan: = dildo sex and toke
- Me: i can't believe i've convinced you to become a dildo aficionado
- Me: this is a victory for me, frankly
Faggotry
- Me: but yeah man sorry bout your sitch, had no idea
- Me: OH DO YOU SEE THAT
- Ray: is what I think she was trying to say
- Me: HERE I WAS
- Me: TRYING TO BE A COMFORTING BRO
- Me: then you go and ruin it
- Me: this is why i will rape you one day
- Me: and by "i" i actually mean my goons
- Ray: when did you get goons
- Me: when my balls dropped, obviously
- Me: when i was 3
- Ray: http://img.moronail.net/img/1/9/1319.jpg
- Me: bitch
- Ray: alright
- Ray: gotta rest up for olympics
- Me: what events?
- Ray: which some people here don't seem to take seriously
- Ray: bball
- Ray: soccer
- Ray: maybe handball
- Me: all sports made for gay men
- Me: OK GLHF
- Me: go get em, tiger
- Ray: you're thinking of wrestling
- Ray: and cricket
- Me: NO
- Me: DON'T YOU DARE
- Me: THAT IS A MAN'S GAME
- Ray: it's something british dudes
- Ray: to separate their wild gay orgies
- Me: that made no sense, and you should be ashamed
- Me: GOOD NIGHT SIR
Talking to an artist
- Kevin: I have taken a different approach
- Kevin: of social commentary
- Kevin: rather than the essay I was assigned
- Me: well that's good
- Me: always good to make english assignments fun for yourself
- Kevin: thanks dad
- Kevin: say
- Kevin: can I borrow the car this friday?
- Kevin: theres this girl I fancy
- Kevin: Susie Jenkins
- Me: i'm not to fulfill your weird dad/son fetishry, kevin
- Kevin: and I think she'd really get a kick out of me driving up in the Ford
- Kevin: So I can take her to the boardwalk
- Kevin: and win her a stuffed animal by throwing baseballs at milk jars
- Kevin: I'll have the car back by 9
- Kevin: ad then I can start my homework
- Me: i--i never loved you
- Me: you were the product of your mother and the mexican gardener
- Me: on a hot summer's day
- Kevin: strangely enough
- Kevin: thats more or less how I began my essay
- Me: holy shit RECURSION
- Kevin: "on a hot summer's day"
- Me: SOMEONE GET ASIMOV ON THE LINE
- Kevin: like father like son
- Me: you're a freak, kevin
- Me: you can't be remedied
- Kevin: I'm your freak
- Me: NO NO YOU'RE NOT
- Me: YOU'RE CONOR'S
- Kevin: and we will have to live a lie until I turn 18
- Me: OH GOD
- Kevin: and head off to college
- Kevin: and when im placed in an orientation group with other people who marked "white" in the race box on the application
- Kevin: ill notice how much darker my skin, nipples, and facial hair are
- Kevin: and demand a DNA test
- Kevin: the mexican apple-picker fiasco will be uncovered
- Me: "apple-picker," yes
- Kevin: I'll emancipate myself from the family that was never truly my own
- Kevin: and begin my quest to mexico
- Kevin: in an effort to find my father
- Kevin: and perhaps myself along the way
- Kevin: yes, it will be a trip of vagabondry and living off the land
- Kevin: the bountiful mexican land
- Kevin: In the end, I will discover that my father has crossed the border and had been deported several times
- Kevin: and on his final attempt
- Kevin: he was shot, mistaken for an apple thief
- Kevin: in a cruel twist of fate that parallels my birth
- Me: much like pobre juan: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8FBWa6WYzc
- Kevin: that impoverished mexican housewife is wearing skinny jeans
- Kevin: a staple of mexican sulture
- Kevin: both stylish and practical
- Kevin: for long days of farming maîze and raising 12 children
- Me: oh look at that incorrectly placed diacritic
- Me: look at you
- Me: look atchoo, awww
Internet-bullying, today's episode: Twitter
- Me: what the
- Me: "@[redacted] i'm going to miss all you seniors sighh. i didn't get to give you all hugs / i forgot my camera >_< (don't judge me twitter)
- about 5 hours ago from web in reply to [redacted]"
- Me: i'm gonna miss you sighh
- Me: i'm gonna miss you SIGHHH
- Me: UNNNNGGHHHH
- Ethan: I'm going to miss you moan
- Me: load blown
- Me: *high five*
- Ethan: m...mona
- Ethan: mona
- Me: mmm.... moooona
- Me: let me see your manly face
- Ethan: what a good name
- Me: say my name, mona
- Ethan: for a female
- Me: that was horrible of you
- Me: and you should be ashamed
- Ethan: just to be clear
- Ethan: if I have an erection, does that mean I'm ashamed?
- Ethan: because if so, then yes, I'm engorged with shame
- Ethan: "stop impregnating our children with abstinence only education."
- Ethan: ok, I'm out
- Me: sherbondy out
It's the small victories that count
- Kevin: just downlaoded a hayao miyazaki pack of movies
- Kevin: 9 jigabytes
- Kevin: worth every bit
- Me: jiggabytes? like when jay-z eats a sandwich?
- Me: INSTANTRIMSHOT.COM
- Kevin: this is the first time i have actually laughed at my computer
- Kevin: every other time I say "lol" or "hahaha" its a lie
- Kevin: i cracked the fuck up
Introspection and eroticism, a one-part series
- Ethan: LISTEN I'M NOT A PUSHOVER
- Ethan: I just find being pushed over very erotic
- Me: this explains all of the problems in your life
A discourse on trampolines
- Me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTehdxIj0ZQ
- Ethan: whut
- Ethan: whut
- Ethan: my butt is suddenly sore
- Me: is it the video
- Me: or the anal rape
- Ethan: FALSE, IT'S YOUR MOTHER
- Ethan: yeah I wasn't actually going anywhere with that one
- Me: fuck planning things you say
- Me: fuck coherency
- Me: bitch-ass coherency
- Ethan: just like that video
- Ethan: BAM
- Ethan: BAM
- Ethan: I adopted the mind set of the video
- Ethan: what if you made a condom so large
- Ethan: it could double as a trampoline?
- Ethan: then we could finally stop shaq from impregnating women
- Ethan: and we'd have a trampoline!
- Me: also, herpes
A discourse on Judaism
- Ethan: POKER NIGHT
- Ethan: BUNCH OF JEWISH MOTHERS POPPING THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR
- Me: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
- Me: do you have to interact with them?
- Ethan: no, instructions are to avoid and self destruct on contact
- Me: hee hee
- Me: you should show them your collection of neat shirts and good grades
- Ethan: and my well circumcised dong
- Me: yes
- Me: look at how neatly it's been done!
- Ethan: "I can't even see the rabbi's tooth marks!"
- Me: eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww
- Ethan: hehehe dayanu
- Me: dayanu?
- Ethan: It would have been enough
- Me: STOP THROWING JEWTHINGS AT ME
- Ethan: hebrew word
- Ethan: NINJEW STARS
- Me: what the fuck
- (later)
- Ethan: OH GOD I CAN HEAR A JEWISH OLD LADY PEEING
- Ethan: MANNN
- Ethan: MY MOM IS TELLING EMBARRASSING STORIES ABOUT ME
- Me: like whaaaaat
- Me: ooh ooh i wanna hear
- Ethan: one time I had a nose bleed while I was ASLEEP
- Me: oshit did you die?
- Ethan: and I woke up the next morning and the WALLS were covered in blood
- Ethan: we later found a dead body in the basement
- Ethan: unrelated fun fact
- Me: O______________O
- Me: what
- Me: are you lying
- Me: dead bodies?
- Ethan: the dead body is a lie
- Me: you had me intrigued
- Ethan: sleep-serial-killing
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