2 weeks ago
Not replying actually causes him to go batshit insane
  • Ethan: WAAAAAIT
  • Ethan: oh yeah ee has a tumblr hehehe
  • Ethan: tell emily to write the girl's state chronicles
  • Ethan: pwetty please
  • Ethan: *Girls
  • Ethan: night
  • Ethan: toodeloo, as they say
  • Ethan: on the streets
  • Ethan: of candyland
  • Ethan: FUN FACT
  • Ethan: toodeloo is german for see you soon
  • Ethan: and now you know
  • Ethan: fun fact brought to you by fox news brand tampons
  • Ethan: and viewers like you
  • Ethan: brown ones
A battle of wits and mothers
  • Ethan: will send to my mom, forreals
  • Me: neat
  • Me: tell her best wishes from prashanth <3
  • Ethan: I do, every night before bed
  • Me: oh man, you're the one who made it worse
  • Me: for the record
  • Me: i'm sending this conversation to your mom, forreals
  • Me: and my mom
  • Ethan: ...
  • Me: and the mother of my children
  • Ethan: I can't wish my mom good night?
  • Ethan: I fail to see how this is worse
  • Me: all right, pinko
  • Ethan: if anything it's better
  • Me: whatever you say, lil che
  • Ethan: because I just took my pants off
  • Me: kim jong il is rolling in his billion-dollar estate
  • Ethan: naked
  • Ethan: lubricated with the hopes and dreams of south korea
  • Me: wrong korea, but sure
  • Ethan: ...
  • Me: now it's time for me to point and laugh
  • Ethan: that's why he's rolling in their hopes and dreams
  • Ethan: ...
  • Ethan: that was intentional, even if if was kind of bad
  • Me: that doesn't make any sense, and you should be ashamed of yourself
  • Ethan: at least I am naked
  • Me: false
  • Me: go v-chat random girls on the internet
  • Me: i hear that's what you usually do when you're naked
  • Me: whore
  • Me: whore
  • Ethan: that always turns out poorly
  • Me: you should know
  • Ethan: yeah
  • Me: communist
  • Ethan: name caller
  • Me: man i've been watching fox news lately
  • Ethan: I can tell
  • Me: WHY YOU ASK? BECAUSE I DISCOVERED WE GOT IT RECENTLY
  • Me: wanted to see what all the hubbub was about
  • Me: you know?
  • Ethan: you told me this
  • Me: if it really WAS that bad
  • Me: but yeah no
  • Ethan: the comedy
  • Ethan: you stay for the laughs
  • Me: they really do call people communists every other word
  • Ethan: it's better than snl
  • Me: and bill o'reilly is so unfathomably stupid
  • Me: like the logic he uses
  • Me: if people actually buy into that crap
  • Ethan: yeah, that worries me
  • Me: it's a sad commentary on how retarded americans actually are
  • Me: it actually makes me mad
  • Me: but intriguingly so
  • Me: so i keep watching
  • Me: and absorb the advertising
  • Me: it's exactly what they want
  • Me: I'M A PART OF THE MACHINE
  • Ethan: you're like fox's big filthy tampon
  • Ethan: and you love it
  • Me: that doesn't make any sense, and you should be ashamed of yourself
  • Ethan: "and absorb the advertising"
  • Me: (i actually did scroll up so i didn't have to type that again)
  • Me: oh
  • Ethan: bam
  • Ethan: right in the ovaries
  • Me: ... well, that's pretty well-done, i have to admit
  • Me: never would have made that connection
  • Me: but that's probably because i don't have a vagina
  • Ethan: thanks, I wrote a script in ichat to search for the word absorb
  • Me: thing is you probably did
  • Me: communist whore
  • Ethan: at least I don't live inside fox's vagina for a few days each month
  • Me: in that sense, i'm like a vagina-bear
  • Me: a neoconservative vagina-bear
  • Me: can someone say band name?
  • Me: TO THE BANDWAGON
  • Me: bam
  • Me: god i'm so good
3 weeks ago
On dildos
  • Duncan: my parents are paying for me to take glass blowing lessons this summer
  • Duncan: once i become skilled enough i'll be able to make custon pieces
  • Me: LOL WHAT THE FUCK?
  • Me: why the hell are you taking GLASS BLOWING LESSONS?
  • Me: that's one step away from sucking dix
  • Duncan: what?
  • Duncan: how?
  • Duncan: dude blowing glass would be awesome
  • Duncan: could make like anything
  • Me: like dildos, dildos, bongs, dildos
  • Duncan: there is no blowing in the making of dildos...
  • Duncan: im prettysure that theyre made with molds
  • Me: dick shaped molds
  • Duncan: yeah
  • Duncan: but thats not a part of glass blowing
  • Me: you've got me again
  • Me: oh you trickster you
  • Duncan: plus why the fuck would i make dildos?
  • Duncan: i get to CHOSE what i make
  • Duncan: part of the fun of it
  • Me: and then using the dildos later
  • Me: that's like the icing on the cake
  • Duncan: well maybe you have your dildo fantasies
  • Duncan: i on the otherhand shall be sticking to bongs
  • Me: MORE LIKE DONGS MIRITE
  • Me: *high five*
  • Duncan: hmmm
  • Duncan: depending on the situation
  • Duncan: could be a win
  • Duncan: like bong+chick
  • Duncan: = dildo sex and toke
  • Me: i can't believe i've convinced you to become a dildo aficionado
  • Me: this is a victory for me, frankly
Faggotry
  • Me: but yeah man sorry bout your sitch, had no idea
  • Me: OH DO YOU SEE THAT
  • Ray: is what I think she was trying to say
  • Me: HERE I WAS
  • Me: TRYING TO BE A COMFORTING BRO
  • Me: then you go and ruin it
  • Me: this is why i will rape you one day
  • Me: and by "i" i actually mean my goons
  • Ray: when did you get goons
  • Me: when my balls dropped, obviously
  • Me: when i was 3
  • Ray: http://img.moronail.net/img/1/9/1319.jpg
  • Me: bitch
  • Ray: alright
  • Ray: gotta rest up for olympics
  • Me: what events?
  • Ray: which some people here don't seem to take seriously
  • Ray: bball
  • Ray: soccer
  • Ray: maybe handball
  • Me: all sports made for gay men
  • Me: OK GLHF
  • Me: go get em, tiger
  • Ray: you're thinking of wrestling
  • Ray: and cricket
  • Me: NO
  • Me: DON'T YOU DARE
  • Me: THAT IS A MAN'S GAME
  • Ray: it's something british dudes
  • Ray: to separate their wild gay orgies
  • Me: that made no sense, and you should be ashamed
  • Me: GOOD NIGHT SIR
1 month ago
Talking to an artist
  • Kevin: I have taken a different approach
  • Kevin: of social commentary
  • Kevin: rather than the essay I was assigned
  • Me: well that's good
  • Me: always good to make english assignments fun for yourself
  • Kevin: thanks dad
  • Kevin: say
  • Kevin: can I borrow the car this friday?
  • Kevin: theres this girl I fancy
  • Kevin: Susie Jenkins
  • Me: i'm not to fulfill your weird dad/son fetishry, kevin
  • Kevin: and I think she'd really get a kick out of me driving up in the Ford
  • Kevin: So I can take her to the boardwalk
  • Kevin: and win her a stuffed animal by throwing baseballs at milk jars
  • Kevin: I'll have the car back by 9
  • Kevin: ad then I can start my homework
  • Me: i--i never loved you
  • Me: you were the product of your mother and the mexican gardener
  • Me: on a hot summer's day
  • Kevin: strangely enough
  • Kevin: thats more or less how I began my essay
  • Me: holy shit RECURSION
  • Kevin: "on a hot summer's day"
  • Me: SOMEONE GET ASIMOV ON THE LINE
  • Kevin: like father like son
  • Me: you're a freak, kevin
  • Me: you can't be remedied
  • Kevin: I'm your freak
  • Me: NO NO YOU'RE NOT
  • Me: YOU'RE CONOR'S
  • Kevin: and we will have to live a lie until I turn 18
  • Me: OH GOD
  • Kevin: and head off to college
  • Kevin: and when im placed in an orientation group with other people who marked "white" in the race box on the application
  • Kevin: ill notice how much darker my skin, nipples, and facial hair are
  • Kevin: and demand a DNA test
  • Kevin: the mexican apple-picker fiasco will be uncovered
  • Me: "apple-picker," yes
  • Kevin: I'll emancipate myself from the family that was never truly my own
  • Kevin: and begin my quest to mexico
  • Kevin: in an effort to find my father
  • Kevin: and perhaps myself along the way
  • Kevin: yes, it will be a trip of vagabondry and living off the land
  • Kevin: the bountiful mexican land
  • Kevin: In the end, I will discover that my father has crossed the border and had been deported several times
  • Kevin: and on his final attempt
  • Kevin: he was shot, mistaken for an apple thief
  • Kevin: in a cruel twist of fate that parallels my birth
  • Me: much like pobre juan: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8FBWa6WYzc
  • Kevin: that impoverished mexican housewife is wearing skinny jeans
  • Kevin: a staple of mexican sulture
  • Kevin: both stylish and practical
  • Kevin: for long days of farming maîze and raising 12 children
  • Me: oh look at that incorrectly placed diacritic
  • Me: look at you
  • Me: look atchoo, awww
1 month ago
Internet-bullying, today's episode: Twitter
  • Me: what the
  • Me: "@[redacted] i'm going to miss all you seniors sighh. i didn't get to give you all hugs / i forgot my camera >_< (don't judge me twitter)
  • about 5 hours ago from web in reply to [redacted]"
  • Me: i'm gonna miss you sighh
  • Me: i'm gonna miss you SIGHHH
  • Me: UNNNNGGHHHH
  • Ethan: I'm going to miss you moan
  • Me: load blown
  • Me: *high five*
  • Ethan: m...mona
  • Ethan: mona
  • Me: mmm.... moooona
  • Me: let me see your manly face
  • Ethan: what a good name
  • Me: say my name, mona
  • Ethan: for a female
  • Me: that was horrible of you
  • Me: and you should be ashamed
  • Ethan: just to be clear
  • Ethan: if I have an erection, does that mean I'm ashamed?
  • Ethan: because if so, then yes, I'm engorged with shame
  • Ethan: "stop impregnating our children with abstinence only education."
  • Ethan: ok, I'm out
  • Me: sherbondy out
1 month ago
It's the small victories that count
  • Kevin: just downlaoded a hayao miyazaki pack of movies
  • Kevin: 9 jigabytes
  • Kevin: worth every bit
  • Me: jiggabytes? like when jay-z eats a sandwich?
  • Me: INSTANTRIMSHOT.COM
  • Kevin: this is the first time i have actually laughed at my computer
  • Kevin: every other time I say "lol" or "hahaha" its a lie
  • Kevin: i cracked the fuck up
1 month ago
Introspection and eroticism, a one-part series
  • Ethan: LISTEN I'M NOT A PUSHOVER
  • Ethan: I just find being pushed over very erotic
  • Me: this explains all of the problems in your life
1 month ago
A discourse on trampolines
  • Me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTehdxIj0ZQ
  • Ethan: whut
  • Ethan: whut
  • Ethan: my butt is suddenly sore
  • Me: is it the video
  • Me: or the anal rape
  • Ethan: FALSE, IT'S YOUR MOTHER
  • Ethan: yeah I wasn't actually going anywhere with that one
  • Me: fuck planning things you say
  • Me: fuck coherency
  • Me: bitch-ass coherency
  • Ethan: just like that video
  • Ethan: BAM
  • Ethan: BAM
  • Ethan: I adopted the mind set of the video
  • Ethan: what if you made a condom so large
  • Ethan: it could double as a trampoline?
  • Ethan: then we could finally stop shaq from impregnating women
  • Ethan: and we'd have a trampoline!
  • Me: also, herpes
A discourse on Judaism
  • Ethan: POKER NIGHT
  • Ethan: BUNCH OF JEWISH MOTHERS POPPING THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR
  • Me: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
  • Me: do you have to interact with them?
  • Ethan: no, instructions are to avoid and self destruct on contact
  • Me: hee hee
  • Me: you should show them your collection of neat shirts and good grades
  • Ethan: and my well circumcised dong
  • Me: yes
  • Me: look at how neatly it's been done!
  • Ethan: "I can't even see the rabbi's tooth marks!"
  • Me: eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww
  • Ethan: hehehe dayanu
  • Me: dayanu?
  • Ethan: It would have been enough
  • Me: STOP THROWING JEWTHINGS AT ME
  • Ethan: hebrew word
  • Ethan: NINJEW STARS
  • Me: what the fuck
  • (later)
  • Ethan: OH GOD I CAN HEAR A JEWISH OLD LADY PEEING
  • Ethan: MANNN
  • Ethan: MY MOM IS TELLING EMBARRASSING STORIES ABOUT ME
  • Me: like whaaaaat
  • Me: ooh ooh i wanna hear
  • Ethan: one time I had a nose bleed while I was ASLEEP
  • Me: oshit did you die?
  • Ethan: and I woke up the next morning and the WALLS were covered in blood
  • Ethan: we later found a dead body in the basement
  • Ethan: unrelated fun fact
  • Me: O______________O
  • Me: what
  • Me: are you lying
  • Me: dead bodies?
  • Ethan: the dead body is a lie
  • Me: you had me intrigued
  • Ethan: sleep-serial-killing