June 2010
2 posts
Slang
Srikanth: whatevs dude
Srikanth: no regrets
Srikanth: she's got some tiggles
Greetings, part 2
Srikanth: sup negrodamus
May 2010
2 posts
"Yellow" was the reference
Me: you know i love you so
Me: YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU SO
Me: (cue moving guitar riffs)
Ray: moving my _dick_
Ray: up
Ray: into an erect position
Me: this is why we can't have anything special ray
Ray: boners is what makes things specials
Me: i think your boner ruined your speech capabilities in addition to our relationship
Ray: low blood flow to brain
Me: MUST... STAY... ERECTION
Me: GGGRURRRRGG
Me: tear
Ray: also judging by your farce boners is all ethan talks about and you guys are still friends
Me: wow this will make for a great meta-farce entry
Me: FARCE FARCE FARCY FARCE indeed i will post this
Ray: farce force delta squadron
Ray: delta stands for dicks
Ray: yeah I'm on my A-game
Me: more like gay game
Greetings
Srikanth: niggles
April 2010
1 post
Yeah son
Me: flash rave his fucking wall
Tiffany: hahahahhahahahaa
Tiffany: that would be hilarious
Me: everyone post like
Tiffany: idk if they'd do it though
Me: i'll post a disco ball
Me: you post a picture of ecstasy tablets
Tiffan: i'll just post dicks
Me: ok or that too
March 2010
1 post
Getting the grade
Tiffany: i told brian
Tiffany: ican't even let myself fail
Tiffany: i just keep shoving her cock down my throat
Tiffany: i don't knwo why
Me: i mean whatever you gotta do man
Me: you gotta do what you gotta do
Me: some work hard, some suck dix
Tiffany: yeah man
Me: some do bof
Tiffany: DAS ME
Tiffany: I WORK HARD @ SUCKIN DIX
December 2009
1 post
This is almost deja-vu
Me: fun fact, i have every single film/chappelle's show episode that dave has been in saved in my /movies/ folder
Ray: would you suck dave chappelle's dick
Ray: to get him to start the show again
Me: dude it's possible
Me: you?
Me: you know you would
Ray: nope
Ray: not gay
Ray: thanks
Me: nobody else would know man
Me: it'd be totally legit man
Me: it'd be awesome, cmon, just try it
Ray: dude
Ray: if you sucked dave chappelle's dick
Ray: could you ever look at him the same again?
Ray: think about that
Ray: every new episode you made would be ruined
Ray: by the fact that he raped you
Ray: a child
Ray: in the mouth
Me: i'd do it for the cause, for others' laughter
Me: it'd be an altruistic bj
Ray: see
Ray: there are altruistic things you can do that don't invole black cock
Ray: and your mouth
Ray: so
Ray: seems to me you just want to blow chappelle
Me: you're putting things in my mouth
Ray: aren't we all
October 2009
2 posts
And later, further discussion of urban life
Me: dude hip hop shoes = nikes
Tiffany: i KNOW
Tiffany: but
Tiffany: i dont have anyyyyyyyyyyyy
Tiffany: i havel ike
Tiffany: runing nikes
Tiffany: lol
Me: any shoes that i have will be 500 sizes too large for you
Tiffany: lol what size do you wear
Tiffany: like
Tiffany: 11
Me: and filled with cream cheese-like detritus
Tiffany: EW
Me: 12/13
Tiffany: WHAT THE FUCK
Tiffany: WHAT TEH FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK
Tiffany: MAN WHAT THE FUCK
Me: LOL just kiddin
Tiffany: UGH
Tiffany: AGHAG
Me: (OR AM I)
Tiffany: I DONT KNOW
Hip-hop shoes
Tiffany: HEY
Tiffany: do you ahve any like
Tiffany: HIP HOP shoes
Tiffany: that i coudl wear
Tiffany: that are too small fo you
September 2009
3 posts
It was initially a conversation about cursive
Me: cause i just decided one day to switch
Me: and i stuck with it because it's faster
Me: plus it totally gets me laid
Clay: right
Clay: its kind of like when i show girls my penis
Me: wait no, i said "gets me *laid*," not "arrested for crimes against humanity"
A glimpse into the future
Ethan: holy crud
Ethan: google spreadsheets results update in real time
Ethan: that is so swell and unnecessary
Ethan: that is really a wonderful tool
Ethan: instant surveys bam bam
Me: uh huh
Me: TIME TO USE IT FOR GROUP 4 IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
Ethan: YEAH
Ethan: WE EMAIL PEOPLE AS THEY DRIVE BY US IN THEIR CARS
Ethan: AND ASK HOW FAST THEY WERE GOING
Ethan: AND HOW THEY FELT ABOUT IT
Me: THEN THEY TWEET BACK
Ethan: WITH TWITPICS
Me: WHILE WE JAIKU ABOUT OUR GASSINESS
Me: AND THEN POST THE DATA ON REDDIT
Ethan: AND BLOG ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE
Me: WHILE SCROBBLING THE SCREAMS OF YOUNG CHILDREN IN THE VICINITY
Ethan: THE ENTIRE PROCESS WILL BE STREAMED ON USTREAM, OBVIOUSLY
Me: ZIP IT ALL UP AND DROPBOX IT
Ethan: SEND IT TO OBAMA'S VIMEO
Me: FUCK I GOT NOTHIN
Ethan: I GOT DINNER
Ethan: BAI
Me: LATER
Progress report
Kevin: hey
Kevin: hey
Kevin: hey man
Kevin: hey
Kevin: hey
Kevin: hey man, hey
Kevin: His firm, yet exotic cheeks
Kevin: fueld my messaging
Kevin: and my erection
Kevin: (I've decided to narrate my own life)
Kevin: I sat there, sending him message after message
Kevin: holding in a fart
Kevin: and touching my dong
Kevin: My phone vibrates with a text
Kevin: I go to read it
Kevin: "ehhhh, just a facebook mobile update..." I think to myself
Kevin: and my hand immediately retreats to its dark, cramped home
Kevin: my erection reaching record heights, I knew contact had to be made soon
Kevin: "PRASHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTH!!!" I typed into the chatbox
Kevin: a soundless echo
Kevin: the internet is like space
Kevin: but more desolate
Kevin: and hostile
(later)
Me: sup
Kevin: He returns to the computer!
Kevin: "Hows it going?" I ask innocently
Me: it's going steady man
Me: sup whichoo
Kevin: I just had some trolling to show you
August 2009
2 posts
His references, they sting
Hao: You're like a modern-day Mother Teresa.
Hao: Were Mother Teresa an evil banshee.
Me: your face
Hao: You forgot to type "is carved from Adonis' golden thigh meat itself."
This is tame, relatively speaking
Jessie: i want a poster printer
Jessie: so i can print superman holding dead batman
Jessie: and fap to it
Jessie: daily.
July 2009
1 post
Brocabulary, the app
Clay: this one dude said that my definitions were
Clay: "half assed"
Me: hahahahahaha
Clay: i am now referencing him in the definition for "brodent" in the next update
Clay: i hope he reads it
June 2009
5 posts
Not replying actually causes him to go batshit...
Ethan: WAAAAAIT
Ethan: oh yeah ee has a tumblr hehehe
Ethan: tell emily to write the girl's state chronicles
Ethan: pwetty please
Ethan: *Girls
Ethan: night
Ethan: toodeloo, as they say
Ethan: on the streets
Ethan: of candyland
Ethan: FUN FACT
Ethan: toodeloo is german for see you soon
Ethan: and now you know
Ethan: fun fact brought to you by fox news brand tampons
Ethan: and viewers like you
Ethan: brown ones
A battle of wits and mothers
Ethan: will send to my mom, forreals
Me: neat
Me: tell her best wishes from prashanth
Ethan: I do, every night before bed
Me: oh man, you're the one who made it worse
Me: for the record
Me: i'm sending this conversation to your mom, forreals
Me: and my mom
Ethan: ...
Me: and the mother of my children
Ethan: I can't wish my mom good night?
Ethan: I fail to see how this is worse
Me: all right, pinko
Ethan: if anything it's better
Me: whatever you say, lil che
Ethan: because I just took my pants off
Me: kim jong il is rolling in his billion-dollar estate
Ethan: naked
Ethan: lubricated with the hopes and dreams of south korea
Me: wrong korea, but sure
Ethan: ...
Me: now it's time for me to point and laugh
Ethan: that's why he's rolling in their hopes and dreams
Ethan: ...
Ethan: that was intentional, even if if was kind of bad
Me: that doesn't make any sense, and you should be ashamed of yourself
Ethan: at least I am naked
Me: false
Me: go v-chat random girls on the internet
Me: i hear that's what you usually do when you're naked
Me: whore
Me: whore
Ethan: that always turns out poorly
Me: you should know
Ethan: yeah
Me: communist
Ethan: name caller
Me: man i've been watching fox news lately
Ethan: I can tell
Me: WHY YOU ASK? BECAUSE I DISCOVERED WE GOT IT RECENTLY
Me: wanted to see what all the hubbub was about
Me: you know?
Ethan: you told me this
Me: if it really WAS that bad
Me: but yeah no
Ethan: the comedy
Ethan: you stay for the laughs
Me: they really do call people communists every other word
Ethan: it's better than snl
Me: and bill o'reilly is so unfathomably stupid
Me: like the logic he uses
Me: if people actually buy into that crap
Ethan: yeah, that worries me
Me: it's a sad commentary on how retarded americans actually are
Me: it actually makes me mad
Me: but intriguingly so
Me: so i keep watching
Me: and absorb the advertising
Me: it's exactly what they want
Me: I'M A PART OF THE MACHINE
Ethan: you're like fox's big filthy tampon
Ethan: and you love it
Me: that doesn't make any sense, and you should be ashamed of yourself
Ethan: "and absorb the advertising"
Me: (i actually did scroll up so i didn't have to type that again)
Me: oh
Ethan: bam
Ethan: right in the ovaries
Me: ... well, that's pretty well-done, i have to admit
Me: never would have made that connection
Me: but that's probably because i don't have a vagina
Ethan: thanks, I wrote a script in ichat to search for the word absorb
Me: thing is you probably did
Me: communist whore
Ethan: at least I don't live inside fox's vagina for a few days each month
Me: in that sense, i'm like a vagina-bear
Me: a neoconservative vagina-bear
Me: can someone say band name?
Me: TO THE BANDWAGON
Me: bam
Me: god i'm so good
On dildos
Duncan: my parents are paying for me to take glass blowing lessons this summer
Duncan: once i become skilled enough i'll be able to make custon pieces
Me: LOL WHAT THE FUCK?
Me: why the hell are you taking GLASS BLOWING LESSONS?
Me: that's one step away from sucking dix
Duncan: what?
Duncan: how?
Duncan: dude blowing glass would be awesome
Duncan: could make like anything
Me: like dildos, dildos, bongs, dildos
Duncan: there is no blowing in the making of dildos...
Duncan: im prettysure that theyre made with molds
Me: dick shaped molds
Duncan: yeah
Duncan: but thats not a part of glass blowing
Me: you've got me again
Me: oh you trickster you
Duncan: plus why the fuck would i make dildos?
Duncan: i get to CHOSE what i make
Duncan: part of the fun of it
Me: and then using the dildos later
Me: that's like the icing on the cake
Duncan: well maybe you have your dildo fantasies
Duncan: i on the otherhand shall be sticking to bongs
Me: MORE LIKE DONGS MIRITE
Me: *high five*
Duncan: hmmm
Duncan: depending on the situation
Duncan: could be a win
Duncan: like bong+chick
Duncan: = dildo sex and toke
Me: i can't believe i've convinced you to become a dildo aficionado
Me: this is a victory for me, frankly
Faggotry
Me: but yeah man sorry bout your sitch, had no idea
Me: OH DO YOU SEE THAT
Ray: is what I think she was trying to say
Me: HERE I WAS
Me: TRYING TO BE A COMFORTING BRO
Me: then you go and ruin it
Me: this is why i will rape you one day
Me: and by "i" i actually mean my goons
Ray: when did you get goons
Me: when my balls dropped, obviously
Me: when i was 3
Ray: http://img.moronail.net/img/1/9/1319.jpg
Me: bitch
Ray: alright
Ray: gotta rest up for olympics
Me: what events?
Ray: which some people here don't seem to take seriously
Ray: bball
Ray: soccer
Ray: maybe handball
Me: all sports made for gay men
Me: OK GLHF
Me: go get em, tiger
Ray: you're thinking of wrestling
Ray: and cricket
Me: NO
Me: DON'T YOU DARE
Me: THAT IS A MAN'S GAME
Ray: it's something british dudes
Ray: to separate their wild gay orgies
Me: that made no sense, and you should be ashamed
Me: GOOD NIGHT SIR
Talking to an artist
Kevin: I have taken a different approach
Kevin: of social commentary
Kevin: rather than the essay I was assigned
Me: well that's good
Me: always good to make english assignments fun for yourself
Kevin: thanks dad
Kevin: say
Kevin: can I borrow the car this friday?
Kevin: theres this girl I fancy
Kevin: Susie Jenkins
Me: i'm not to fulfill your weird dad/son fetishry, kevin
Kevin: and I think she'd really get a kick out of me driving up in the Ford
Kevin: So I can take her to the boardwalk
Kevin: and win her a stuffed animal by throwing baseballs at milk jars
Kevin: I'll have the car back by 9
Kevin: ad then I can start my homework
Me: i--i never loved you
Me: you were the product of your mother and the mexican gardener
Me: on a hot summer's day
Kevin: strangely enough
Kevin: thats more or less how I began my essay
Me: holy shit RECURSION
Kevin: "on a hot summer's day"
Me: SOMEONE GET ASIMOV ON THE LINE
Kevin: like father like son
Me: you're a freak, kevin
Me: you can't be remedied
Kevin: I'm your freak
Me: NO NO YOU'RE NOT
Me: YOU'RE CONOR'S
Kevin: and we will have to live a lie until I turn 18
Me: OH GOD
Kevin: and head off to college
Kevin: and when im placed in an orientation group with other people who marked "white" in the race box on the application
Kevin: ill notice how much darker my skin, nipples, and facial hair are
Kevin: and demand a DNA test
Kevin: the mexican apple-picker fiasco will be uncovered
Me: "apple-picker," yes
Kevin: I'll emancipate myself from the family that was never truly my own
Kevin: and begin my quest to mexico
Kevin: in an effort to find my father
Kevin: and perhaps myself along the way
Kevin: yes, it will be a trip of vagabondry and living off the land
Kevin: the bountiful mexican land
Kevin: In the end, I will discover that my father has crossed the border and had been deported several times
Kevin: and on his final attempt
Kevin: he was shot, mistaken for an apple thief
Kevin: in a cruel twist of fate that parallels my birth
Me: much like pobre juan: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8FBWa6WYzc
Kevin: that impoverished mexican housewife is wearing skinny jeans
Kevin: a staple of mexican sulture
Kevin: both stylish and practical
Kevin: for long days of farming maîze and raising 12 children
Me: oh look at that incorrectly placed diacritic
Me: look at you
Me: look atchoo, awww
May 2009
6 posts
Internet-bullying, today's episode: Twitter
Me: what the
Me: "@[redacted] i'm going to miss all you seniors sighh. i didn't get to give you all hugs / i forgot my camera >_< (don't judge me twitter)
about 5 hours ago from web in reply to [redacted]"
Me: i'm gonna miss you sighh
Me: i'm gonna miss you SIGHHH
Me: UNNNNGGHHHH
Ethan: I'm going to miss you moan
Me: load blown
Me: *high five*
Ethan: m...mona
Ethan: mona
Me: mmm.... moooona
Me: let me see your manly face
Ethan: what a good name
Me: say my name, mona
Ethan: for a female
Me: that was horrible of you
Me: and you should be ashamed
Ethan: just to be clear
Ethan: if I have an erection, does that mean I'm ashamed?
Ethan: because if so, then yes, I'm engorged with shame
Ethan: "stop impregnating our children with abstinence only education."
Ethan: ok, I'm out
Me: sherbondy out
It's the small victories that count
Kevin: just downlaoded a hayao miyazaki pack of movies
Kevin: 9 jigabytes
Kevin: worth every bit
Me: jiggabytes? like when jay-z eats a sandwich?
Me: INSTANTRIMSHOT.COM
Kevin: this is the first time i have actually laughed at my computer
Kevin: every other time I say "lol" or "hahaha" its a lie
Kevin: i cracked the fuck up
Introspection and eroticism, a one-part series
Ethan: LISTEN I'M NOT A PUSHOVER
Ethan: I just find being pushed over very erotic
Me: this explains all of the problems in your life
A discourse on trampolines
Me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTehdxIj0ZQ
Ethan: whut
Ethan: whut
Ethan: my butt is suddenly sore
Me: is it the video
Me: or the anal rape
Ethan: FALSE, IT'S YOUR MOTHER
Ethan: yeah I wasn't actually going anywhere with that one
Me: fuck planning things you say
Me: fuck coherency
Me: bitch-ass coherency
Ethan: just like that video
Ethan: BAM
Ethan: BAM
Ethan: I adopted the mind set of the video
Ethan: what if you made a condom so large
Ethan: it could double as a trampoline?
Ethan: then we could finally stop shaq from impregnating women
Ethan: and we'd have a trampoline!
Me: also, herpes
A discourse on Judaism
Ethan: POKER NIGHT
Ethan: BUNCH OF JEWISH MOTHERS POPPING THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR
Me: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Me: do you have to interact with them?
Ethan: no, instructions are to avoid and self destruct on contact
Me: hee hee
Me: you should show them your collection of neat shirts and good grades
Ethan: and my well circumcised dong
Me: yes
Me: look at how neatly it's been done!
Ethan: "I can't even see the rabbi's tooth marks!"
Me: eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww
Ethan: hehehe dayanu
Me: dayanu?
Ethan: It would have been enough
Me: STOP THROWING JEWTHINGS AT ME
Ethan: hebrew word
Ethan: NINJEW STARS
Me: what the fuck
(later)
Ethan: OH GOD I CAN HEAR A JEWISH OLD LADY PEEING
Ethan: MANNN
Ethan: MY MOM IS TELLING EMBARRASSING STORIES ABOUT ME
Me: like whaaaaat
Me: ooh ooh i wanna hear
Ethan: one time I had a nose bleed while I was ASLEEP
Me: oshit did you die?
Ethan: and I woke up the next morning and the WALLS were covered in blood
Ethan: we later found a dead body in the basement
Ethan: unrelated fun fact
Me: O______________O
Me: what
Me: are you lying
Me: dead bodies?
Ethan: the dead body is a lie
Me: you had me intrigued
Ethan: sleep-serial-killing
Re: a very special someone in the speaker’s life,...
Me: oh my GOD WHAT THE SHEIT
Ethan: CALM DOWN
Ethan: SHE DOESN'T POKE CONDOMS WITH PINS
Me: you better hope to god she doesn't
April 2009
7 posts
Re: a very special someone in the speaker’s life
Ethan: yeah I don't even want to entertain her existence by continuing this conversation
Me: OUCH
Ruff Nawth Raleigh
Me: have you started any homework yet, dawg?
Kevin: no
Kevin: i havent
Kevin: and i actually have a shittone
Kevin: shit ton*
Kevin: shit tone sounds cool though too
Kevin: ill use it in my next rap beat
Kevin: it will sweep the nation
Kevin: as the first song to successfully incorporate a catchy shit tone.
Kevin: T.I. will rap in it
Kevin: alongside myself
Me: t.i.'s in jail
Me: because he's a thug
Me: what do you have to show?
Me: that's right
Me: silence
Me: *i* grew up in the bronx
Kevin: bitch I have a vacation home in the bronx
Kevin: its where i go when i want to relax
Kevin: from the normal pressures
Kevin: of ruff raleigh
Me: ruff nawth raleigh
Me: thugs be walkin they dawgs
Me: drivin they thug ass kids to thug ass soccer practice, y'all
Kevin: actually
Kevin: i had a lady yell at me today
Kevin: for having my dog off the leash
Kevin: suburbian life, suburbian pressure
Me: i do believe the word is "suburban"
Kevin: fuck
Kevin: i just spent atleast 3 minutes
Kevin: trying to erase a smudge on a picture
Kevin: but it was actuaklly a smudge on my screen
Me: today is just a day of victories for you
A discourse on Jesus and fanfictions
Me: let ye who be without sin cast the first stone
Me: i do believe your white god said that
Kevin: oh
Kevin: prashanth wins again
Kevin: by misquoting scripture
Kevin: debate over
Me: goddamn it
Me: what was it actually?
Kevin: i dont know
Kevin: not that
Kevin: it was much more graceful than that
Me: " Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"
Kevin: yes
Kevin: thats it
Me: well i thought jesus spoke more like shakespeare
Me: if that's a crime, then sue me
Me: sue my brown, moist ass
Kevin: it some southern states im sure it is
Me: probably
Kevin: also
Kevin: pertaining to the moistness of your ass
Kevin: this is not normal
Kevin: and you should have doctors investigate this matter
Me: it gets to that state whenever i'm on a particularly satisfying troll run
Kevin: no no no
Kevin: this should be your penor
Kevin: some nerve mixup somewhere, im sure...
Me: that happens as well
Kevin: unfortunatley
Kevin: based on my diagnosis
Kevin: this condition is permanent
Kevin: and terminal
Me: except my dong only becomes that way on the full moon, with the sacrifice of a small woodland creature
Kevin: you will dehydrate yourself through your ass on a particularly trolly night
Kevin: and wither away in your chair
Kevin: the light of your macbook pro slowy fading as you draw your final breaths
Kevin: its life ending in almost in perfect parallel to your own
Me: _you are officially writing a fanfiction about me, based on a comment about the moistness of my arse_
Kevin: sorry
Me: _what does this say about the state of your existence_
Kevin: cant help it
Kevin: it was a caption
Kevin: about your text
Me: captioning text.
Kevin: also
Kevin: ur italix r on
Me: IT WAS FOR EMPHASIS
Kevin: I CAPTION WHAT I WANT HABIB
Me: _nobody understands me_
Kevin: this is like
Me: _no one knows what it's like_
Kevin: a monolouge
Kevin: an internal one, at that
Kevin: in a b-rate play with no-name actors
Me: _my arse is soaking my pantaloons_
Me: _i wonder what this would do to denim if i wore it_
Kevin: transfer your water weight to the jeans, no doubt
Kevin: also
Kevin: this technique only works when you wear a full denimn outfit
Kevin: better go find yourself a jean jacket
Me: more fashion tips, please
Kevin: tuck your pants into your socks for that extra oomph you've been searching for
Kevin: damn yo
Kevin: that should be on a fortune cookie
Me: you've found your calling, i think
Me: fortune cookie writing
Me: while part-time exotic dancing
Standards
Raoul: she laughed her manly face off
Raoul: ye
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Me: MANLY
Raoul: ya dig
Me: dude, s------- says he'd bone her if given the chance
Me: eeeeeeeee
Me: do not want
Raoul: s------- will bone anything with two legs and an asshole
Raoul: that includes elephants and zimbabwe women
Insightful political commentary
Ethan: man the treaty of postdam must have been awkward for stalin
Ethan: surrounded by a bunch of noobs talking about big boy stuff
Me: yes, poor stalin
A poignant existence, part deux
Ethan: I really need to start following her
Ethan: my life lacks lulz
A poignant existence, part one
Ethan: doing enviro notes is like fapping for me
March 2009
12 posts
True stories, recounted
Bianca: oh and anotehr hting
Bianca: what is your sn
Me: you mean, what does it mean?
Bianca: yeah
Me: oh right yeah
Me: well, one day i had a dream that zarathustra, diviner of the most ancient of monastic liturgy spoke to me
Me: in this dream he said
Me: he reached out his three-fingered left hand and said
Me: with other hand placed upon his thigh, pulsing
Me: :
Me: "prashanth"
Me: "you must"
Me: "make your screenname thus"
Me: and he arranged the leaves which were rippling softly on the ground into the pattern of letters which you see
Me: knowing immediately that if i did not obey his command, my kin and ancestry would be cursed under ahura mazda's undying wrath
Me: i duly proceeded to awake and register the screenname
Me: to this day, when orion twinkles, i know that it is the smile of zoroaster, looking down upon me from across the millenia
Bianca: FINE THEN I'LL JUST GOOGLE IT
Bianca: HAHA wordie. org?
Me: every instance of "koldewyse" on the internet is me
Bianca: iii knowww
Me: i'm telling you, zarathustra speaks to only the few
Me: the one
Me: the chosen
Bianca: i'll give you a dollar if you tell em
Bianca: *me
Me: we'll have to continue this conversation irl it seems
Me: for my interest is piqued
Bianca: i can't believe you just abbreviated in real life
Me: as ahura mazda himself once divined:
Me: "if you don't abbreviate things, you're a square"
Me: "iydatyas"
A friend named Dinkin
Me: is dinkin even here?
Ethan: nah, he's probably behind a dumpster sucking d for free
Ethan: that's what I'd be doing if I were him, it's such a beautiful day outside
Me: for FREE?
Me: cmon bro
Ethan: dinkin logs would do it
And now: a rare text post from the editor of Farce
I have noted that “narwhal” has become a point of repetition amongst my acquaintances. This must be studied further.
Lessons learned
Ethan: oh narwhal dicks
Ethan: I just got fb friended by the lady whose website I did
(later)
Me: MMM
Me: poke her ass
Ethan: ok
Me: both literally and on facebook
Ethan: oh
Ethan: shit
Ethan: this is what I get for closing windows prematurely, I guess
How to be a good member of society
Kevin: damn narwhals its already 8:30
Kevin: i have spent the last half hour watchign itunes music visualizer
We are so cultured
Me: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ON YOUR WHAT 16-20 HOUR FLIGHT
Ray: SHIT
Ray: it's gonna suck
Me: that's not going to last that long
Ray: it does when I do it
Me: oh oh i see
Me: no really though you should brush up on your sudoku so you can impress all the chinese women
Ray: that's japan bro
Me: THEY ALL PLAY THE SAME GAMES
Ray: and my wide open eyes should be more than enough
Me: they'll just think you're excited all the time
Me: "look at that tourist"
Me: "he is so excited to be in our country"
Me: "let us convert him to maoism"
Ray: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Ray: I'll have to wave an american flag at all times
Ray: to fend off the pinkos
Intelligent discourse
Me: in other news, "niger" is such an unfortunate name for an african country
Jessie: agreed
Minutiae
Duncan: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACDSkCeEfWs
Me: i wonder how many times he's opened that dictionary
Ah, this is so good
Ray: YEAAAAAAH
Ray: I got matt to look at thatsnotsexy
Ray: I am the best
Me: FUCK YES, HOW?
Ray: not using tinyurl
Ray: a different service
Ray: look at his wall
Ray: I'm
Ray: so proud
Me: how do you know he clicked it?
Ray: haley is on the phone with him
Ray: and he said he did
Me: YES
Me: high five
Ray: high five accepted
Ray: ah this is so good
Me: how am i so completely sure your facial expression has not changed in the past hour?
Ray: it actually did when I heard he clicked it
Ray: my eye twitched a little
Ray: I got it under control though
Me: whoa, tiger
Ray: I know
Ray: it was pretty intense
Conclusions
Hao: You only need two things to understand women: alcohol and a solid fist.
Hao: SOLID DATING ADVICE by HAO LIAN
Me: this is why you're alone and sad
Trolled, on a delay night
Kevin: wait you favorited yourself
Kevin: im pretty sure
Kevin: you're doing it wrong
Me: suck my fat dick
Me: SCHOOL CANCELLED
Me: FUCK YEAH
Me: YESSSS
Kevin: WOOOOOOOO
Kevin: WOOOOOOOOO
Me: i was lying
Me: bitch
Me: that's what you get
Kevin: YOU FUCKING ASS
Me: LOL
Kevin: OH GOD
Kevin: IM GONNA
Me: I AM IRL LOL'ING
Kevin: OH GOD
Kevin: FUCK
Kevin: GOD
Kevin: FUCK
Me: XD
Me: this has made my night.
Kevin: YOU LITTLE BROWN ASSHOLE
Kevin: FUCK
Kevin: AAAARRRTGHGHHH
Kevin: FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Me: "kids these days, so easy to troll"
Kevin: NO GOD DAMN IT
Kevin: NO
Kevin: NO
Me: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh god my erection is huge
Kevin: I WILL
Kevin: GOD DAMN IT
Kevin: FUCK
Kevin: GOD DAMN TROLLS ALL OVER THE GOD DAMN INTERNET FUCK SHIT
Me: the troll has been trolled
Me: coming to terms with himself
Kevin: this isnt happening
Kevin: god
Kevin: I just had my troll cherry popped
Kevin: and it was a violent, painful first
Astounding callousness
Me: the english language is in a fetal position, whimpering
Hao: My damaging influence on the English language is far surpassed by your ability to be a complete douchebag
Me: *tears*
Me: i was just quoting you
Hao: DON'T MESS WITH HAO
Me: I WAS JUST QUOTING YOU HAO
Me: IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY BETWEEN US
Hao: THAT'S BACKSASS
Me: IT COULD BE BETTER
Me: IT COULD BE BETTER, YOU KNOW
Me: but no
Me: all you can do is destroy
Me: i build, and you destroy
Me: i'm... frankly, i don't know what to do anymore
Hao: I see the errors of my way now
Hao: It's time to realize that I love you
Hao: now taste my man lips
Me: oh
Me: this has gone too far
Me: I MUST ALAS CUT IT OFF
Hao: That's what she said
Hao: YES YES YES
Me: that's the punchline to a jewish rabbi joke somewhere
Me: mine was better
Me: more innovative and cutting edge
Hao: Like your love-making, yours was the slower one
Me: but it left a better impression
Hao: Whereas mine was thrustful
Hao: I like my women damaged after sex
Hao: is that wrong?
Hao: no
Me: wait, having a quick love-making is never a GOOD thing hao
Me: therefore
Me: bad analogy
Hao: Quick means you get to do it more than once
Hao: and with another person
Me: it'll have to be with another person, because the original person will be angry and shortchanged
Me: love tips by prashanth
Hao: and half-conscious
Hao: If I did my job right
Hao: They don't call me Chloroform for nothing
Me: your callousness is astounding, and you should be ashamed of yourself
Hao: Shame is for people with vaginas
Hao: I wish there were a shorter noun for that
Hao: But there isn't so that's that
February 2009
3 posts
Freestyle beats
Susan: so are you coming or what?
Susan: i don't like the whole "maybe" business
Me: possible, i might or might not be busy that night
Me: i mean i'll try to come but it's not in my hands
Me: OH MY GOD THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID
Me: HOLY SHIT THAT WAS EXCELLENT
Me: that is all
Susan: .
Susan: okay, that was pretty good
At 12:30 on a Monday night before classes (he is...
Ethan: night kudzu
Ethan: wait nah
Ethan: imma listen to some down tempo music for a little
Me: lol wut da eff
Ethan: and sip tea
Me: are you srs
Ethan: yes, yes I am
Me: if you sip tea this late, you will not be able to sleep
Ethan: caffeine free
Literary techniques
Me: i think i might just dipset and procrastinate until monday
Ethan: I have to finish this lady's website
Me: lolololol
Ethan: that's what I'm going to end up doing too
Ethan: miserable monday
Ethan: classic, respectable
Ethan: assonance
Me: consonance
Ethan: I meant alliteration
Ethan: but I really wanted to type, "I'm here to put the ass back in assonance."
Me: classic, respectable
January 2009
6 posts
A look into a tortured mind
Ethan: kid's a little trigger happy, eh bonerbo?
Me: I'M BROWN AND THAT IS RACIST
Me: oh you are clever without bounds
Ethan: boner bo could be a circus act
Ethan: clown with massive dong
Ethan: contorts his penor instead of balloons
Ethan: makes kids cry
Me: those last few lines are a testament to your state of mind
Ethan: I'd be lying if I said I didn't have an erection
The sincerest form of flattery
Hiral: i always look to your twitter page for short, witty phrases