Internet-bullying, today's episode: Twitter
- Me: what the
- Me: "@[redacted] i'm going to miss all you seniors sighh. i didn't get to give you all hugs / i forgot my camera >_< (don't judge me twitter)
- about 5 hours ago from web in reply to [redacted]"
- Me: i'm gonna miss you sighh
- Me: i'm gonna miss you SIGHHH
- Me: UNNNNGGHHHH
- Ethan: I'm going to miss you moan
- Me: load blown
- Me: *high five*
- Ethan: m...mona
- Ethan: mona
- Me: mmm.... moooona
- Me: let me see your manly face
- Ethan: what a good name
- Me: say my name, mona
- Ethan: for a female
- Me: that was horrible of you
- Me: and you should be ashamed
- Ethan: just to be clear
- Ethan: if I have an erection, does that mean I'm ashamed?
- Ethan: because if so, then yes, I'm engorged with shame
- Ethan: "stop impregnating our children with abstinence only education."
- Ethan: ok, I'm out
- Me: sherbondy out
It's the small victories that count
- Kevin: just downlaoded a hayao miyazaki pack of movies
- Kevin: 9 jigabytes
- Kevin: worth every bit
- Me: jiggabytes? like when jay-z eats a sandwich?
- Me: INSTANTRIMSHOT.COM
- Kevin: this is the first time i have actually laughed at my computer
- Kevin: every other time I say "lol" or "hahaha" its a lie
- Kevin: i cracked the fuck up
Introspection and eroticism, a one-part series
- Ethan: LISTEN I'M NOT A PUSHOVER
- Ethan: I just find being pushed over very erotic
- Me: this explains all of the problems in your life
A discourse on trampolines
- Me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTehdxIj0ZQ
- Ethan: whut
- Ethan: whut
- Ethan: my butt is suddenly sore
- Me: is it the video
- Me: or the anal rape
- Ethan: FALSE, IT'S YOUR MOTHER
- Ethan: yeah I wasn't actually going anywhere with that one
- Me: fuck planning things you say
- Me: fuck coherency
- Me: bitch-ass coherency
- Ethan: just like that video
- Ethan: BAM
- Ethan: BAM
- Ethan: I adopted the mind set of the video
- Ethan: what if you made a condom so large
- Ethan: it could double as a trampoline?
- Ethan: then we could finally stop shaq from impregnating women
- Ethan: and we'd have a trampoline!
- Me: also, herpes
A discourse on Judaism
- Ethan: POKER NIGHT
- Ethan: BUNCH OF JEWISH MOTHERS POPPING THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR
- Me: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
- Me: do you have to interact with them?
- Ethan: no, instructions are to avoid and self destruct on contact
- Me: hee hee
- Me: you should show them your collection of neat shirts and good grades
- Ethan: and my well circumcised dong
- Me: yes
- Me: look at how neatly it's been done!
- Ethan: "I can't even see the rabbi's tooth marks!"
- Me: eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww
- Ethan: hehehe dayanu
- Me: dayanu?
- Ethan: It would have been enough
- Me: STOP THROWING JEWTHINGS AT ME
- Ethan: hebrew word
- Ethan: NINJEW STARS
- Me: what the fuck
- (later)
- Ethan: OH GOD I CAN HEAR A JEWISH OLD LADY PEEING
- Ethan: MANNN
- Ethan: MY MOM IS TELLING EMBARRASSING STORIES ABOUT ME
- Me: like whaaaaat
- Me: ooh ooh i wanna hear
- Ethan: one time I had a nose bleed while I was ASLEEP
- Me: oshit did you die?
- Ethan: and I woke up the next morning and the WALLS were covered in blood
- Ethan: we later found a dead body in the basement
- Ethan: unrelated fun fact
- Me: O______________O
- Me: what
- Me: are you lying
- Me: dead bodies?
- Ethan: the dead body is a lie
- Me: you had me intrigued
- Ethan: sleep-serial-killing
Re: a very special someone in the speaker’s life, part deux
- Me: oh my GOD WHAT THE SHEIT
- Ethan: CALM DOWN
- Ethan: SHE DOESN'T POKE CONDOMS WITH PINS
- Me: you better hope to god she doesn't
Re: a very special someone in the speaker’s life
- Ethan: yeah I don't even want to entertain her existence by continuing this conversation
- Me: OUCH
Ruff Nawth Raleigh
- Me: have you started any homework yet, dawg?
- Kevin: no
- Kevin: i havent
- Kevin: and i actually have a shittone
- Kevin: shit ton*
- Kevin: shit tone sounds cool though too
- Kevin: ill use it in my next rap beat
- Kevin: it will sweep the nation
- Kevin: as the first song to successfully incorporate a catchy shit tone.
- Kevin: T.I. will rap in it
- Kevin: alongside myself
- Me: t.i.'s in jail
- Me: because he's a thug
- Me: what do you have to show?
- Me: that's right
- Me: silence
- Me: *i* grew up in the bronx
- Kevin: bitch I have a vacation home in the bronx
- Kevin: its where i go when i want to relax
- Kevin: from the normal pressures
- Kevin: of ruff raleigh
- Me: ruff nawth raleigh
- Me: thugs be walkin they dawgs
- Me: drivin they thug ass kids to thug ass soccer practice, y'all
- Kevin: actually
- Kevin: i had a lady yell at me today
- Kevin: for having my dog off the leash
- Kevin: suburbian life, suburbian pressure
- Me: i do believe the word is "suburban"
- Kevin: fuck
- Kevin: i just spent atleast 3 minutes
- Kevin: trying to erase a smudge on a picture
- Kevin: but it was actuaklly a smudge on my screen
- Me: today is just a day of victories for you
A discourse on Jesus and fanfictions
- Me: let ye who be without sin cast the first stone
- Me: i do believe your white god said that
- Kevin: oh
- Kevin: prashanth wins again
- Kevin: by misquoting scripture
- Kevin: debate over
- Me: goddamn it
- Me: what was it actually?
- Kevin: i dont know
- Kevin: not that
- Kevin: it was much more graceful than that
- Me: " Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"
- Kevin: yes
- Kevin: thats it
- Me: well i thought jesus spoke more like shakespeare
- Me: if that's a crime, then sue me
- Me: sue my brown, moist ass
- Kevin: it some southern states im sure it is
- Me: probably
- Kevin: also
- Kevin: pertaining to the moistness of your ass
- Kevin: this is not normal
- Kevin: and you should have doctors investigate this matter
- Me: it gets to that state whenever i'm on a particularly satisfying troll run
- Kevin: no no no
- Kevin: this should be your penor
- Kevin: some nerve mixup somewhere, im sure...
- Me: that happens as well
- Kevin: unfortunatley
- Kevin: based on my diagnosis
- Kevin: this condition is permanent
- Kevin: and terminal
- Me: except my dong only becomes that way on the full moon, with the sacrifice of a small woodland creature
- Kevin: you will dehydrate yourself through your ass on a particularly trolly night
- Kevin: and wither away in your chair
- Kevin: the light of your macbook pro slowy fading as you draw your final breaths
- Kevin: its life ending in almost in perfect parallel to your own
- Me: _you are officially writing a fanfiction about me, based on a comment about the moistness of my arse_
- Kevin: sorry
- Me: _what does this say about the state of your existence_
- Kevin: cant help it
- Kevin: it was a caption
- Kevin: about your text
- Me: captioning text.
- Kevin: also
- Kevin: ur italix r on
- Me: IT WAS FOR EMPHASIS
- Kevin: I CAPTION WHAT I WANT HABIB
- Me: _nobody understands me_
- Kevin: this is like
- Me: _no one knows what it's like_
- Kevin: a monolouge
- Kevin: an internal one, at that
- Kevin: in a b-rate play with no-name actors
- Me: _my arse is soaking my pantaloons_
- Me: _i wonder what this would do to denim if i wore it_
- Kevin: transfer your water weight to the jeans, no doubt
- Kevin: also
- Kevin: this technique only works when you wear a full denimn outfit
- Kevin: better go find yourself a jean jacket
- Me: more fashion tips, please
- Kevin: tuck your pants into your socks for that extra oomph you've been searching for
- Kevin: damn yo
- Kevin: that should be on a fortune cookie
- Me: you've found your calling, i think
- Me: fortune cookie writing
- Me: while part-time exotic dancing
Standards
- Raoul: she laughed her manly face off
- Raoul: ye
- Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA
- Me: MANLY
- Raoul: ya dig
- Me: dude, s------- says he'd bone her if given the chance
- Me: eeeeeeeee
- Me: do not want
- Raoul: s------- will bone anything with two legs and an asshole
- Raoul: that includes elephants and zimbabwe women
