Farce

Slang

Mon, 07 Jun 2010 12:03:07 -0400

Srikanth: whatevs dude
Srikanth: no regrets
Srikanth: she's got some tiggles

Greetings, part 2

Mon, 07 Jun 2010 11:00:00 -0400

Srikanth: sup negrodamus

"Yellow" was the reference

Wed, 26 May 2010 21:45:44 -0400

Me: you know i love you so
Me: YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU SO
Me: (cue moving guitar riffs)
Ray: moving my _dick_
Ray: up
Ray: into an erect position
Me: this is why we can't have anything special ray
Ray: boners is what makes things specials
Me: i think your boner ruined your speech capabilities in addition to our relationship
Ray: low blood flow to brain
Me: MUST... STAY... ERECTION
Me: GGGRURRRRGG
Me: tear
Ray: also judging by your farce boners is all ethan talks about and you guys are still friends
Me: wow this will make for a great meta-farce entry
Me: FARCE FARCE FARCY FARCE indeed i will post this
Ray: farce force delta squadron
Ray: delta stands for dicks
Ray: yeah I'm on my A-game
Me: more like gay game

Greetings

Tue, 18 May 2010 21:41:27 -0400

Srikanth: niggles

Yeah son

Thu, 15 Apr 2010 22:42:54 -0400

Me: flash rave his fucking wall
Tiffany: hahahahhahahahaa
Tiffany: that would be hilarious
Me: everyone post like
Tiffany: idk if they'd do it though
Me: i'll post a disco ball
Me: you post a picture of ecstasy tablets
Tiffan: i'll just post dicks
Me: ok or that too

Getting the grade

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 22:33:00 -0500

Tiffany: i told brian
Tiffany: ican't even let myself fail
Tiffany: i just keep shoving her cock down my throat
Tiffany: i don't knwo why
Me: i mean whatever you gotta do man
Me: you gotta do what you gotta do
Me: some work hard, some suck dix
Tiffany: yeah man
Me: some do bof
Tiffany: DAS ME
Tiffany: I WORK HARD @ SUCKIN DIX

This is almost deja-vu

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 21:58:34 -0500

Me: fun fact, i have every single film/chappelle's show episode that dave has been in saved in my /movies/ folder
Ray: would you suck dave chappelle's dick
Ray: to get him to start the show again
Me: dude it's possible
Me: you?
Me: you know you would
Ray: nope
Ray: not gay
Ray: thanks
Me: nobody else would know man
Me: it'd be totally legit man
Me: it'd be awesome, cmon, just try it
Ray: dude
Ray: if you sucked dave chappelle's dick
Ray: could you ever look at him the same again?
Ray: think about that
Ray: every new episode you made would be ruined
Ray: by the fact that he raped you
Ray: a child
Ray: in the mouth
Me: i'd do it for the cause, for others' laughter
Me: it'd be an altruistic bj
Ray: see
Ray: there are altruistic things you can do that don't invole black cock
Ray: and your mouth
Ray: so
Ray: seems to me you just want to blow chappelle
Me: you're putting things in my mouth
Ray: aren't we all

And later, further discussion of urban life

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 18:46:00 -0400

Me: dude hip hop shoes = nikes
Tiffany: i KNOW
Tiffany: but
Tiffany: i dont have anyyyyyyyyyyyy
Tiffany: i havel ike
Tiffany: runing nikes
Tiffany: lol
Me: any shoes that i have will be 500 sizes too large for you
Tiffany: lol what size do you wear
Tiffany: like
Tiffany: 11
Me: and filled with cream cheese-like detritus
Tiffany: EW
Me: 12/13
Tiffany: WHAT THE FUCK
Tiffany: WHAT TEH FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK
Tiffany: MAN WHAT THE FUCK
Me: LOL just kiddin
Tiffany: UGH
Tiffany: AGHAG
Me: (OR AM I)
Tiffany: I DONT KNOW

Hip-hop shoes

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 18:42:26 -0400

Tiffany: HEY
Tiffany: do you ahve any like
Tiffany: HIP HOP shoes
Tiffany: that i coudl wear
Tiffany: that are too small fo you

It was initially a conversation about cursive

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 23:50:00 -0400

Me: cause i just decided one day to switch
Me: and i stuck with it because it's faster
Me: plus it totally gets me laid
Clay: right
Clay: its kind of like when i show girls my penis
Me: wait no, i said "gets me *laid*," not "arrested for crimes against humanity"

A glimpse into the future

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 18:17:38 -0400

Ethan: holy crud
Ethan: google spreadsheets results update in real time
Ethan: that is so swell and unnecessary
Ethan: that is really a wonderful tool
Ethan: instant surveys bam bam
Me: uh huh
Me: TIME TO USE IT FOR GROUP 4 IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
Ethan: YEAH
Ethan: WE EMAIL PEOPLE AS THEY DRIVE BY US IN THEIR CARS
Ethan: AND ASK HOW FAST THEY WERE GOING
Ethan: AND HOW THEY FELT ABOUT IT
Me: THEN THEY TWEET BACK
Ethan: WITH TWITPICS
Me: WHILE WE JAIKU ABOUT OUR GASSINESS
Me: AND THEN POST THE DATA ON REDDIT
Ethan: AND BLOG ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE
Me: WHILE SCROBBLING THE SCREAMS OF YOUNG CHILDREN IN THE VICINITY
Ethan: THE ENTIRE PROCESS WILL BE STREAMED ON USTREAM, OBVIOUSLY
Me: ZIP IT ALL UP AND DROPBOX IT
Ethan: SEND IT TO OBAMA'S VIMEO
Me: FUCK I GOT NOTHIN
Ethan: I GOT DINNER
Ethan: BAI
Me: LATER

Progress report

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 20:55:23 -0400

Kevin: hey
Kevin: hey
Kevin: hey man
Kevin: hey
Kevin: hey
Kevin: hey man, hey
Kevin: His firm, yet exotic cheeks
Kevin: fueld my messaging
Kevin: and my erection
Kevin: (I've decided to narrate my own life)
Kevin: I sat there, sending him message after message
Kevin: holding in a fart
Kevin: and touching my dong
Kevin: My phone vibrates with a text
Kevin: I go to read it
Kevin: "ehhhh, just a facebook mobile update..." I think to myself
Kevin: and my hand immediately retreats to its dark, cramped home
Kevin: my erection reaching record heights, I knew contact had to be made soon
Kevin: "PRASHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTH!!!" I typed into the chatbox
Kevin: a soundless echo
Kevin: the internet is like space
Kevin: but more desolate
Kevin: and hostile
(later)
Me: sup
Kevin: He returns to the computer!
Kevin: "Hows it going?" I ask innocently
Me: it's going steady man
Me: sup whichoo
Kevin: I just had some trolling to show you

His references, they sting

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 21:30:00 -0400

Hao: You're like a modern-day Mother Teresa.
Hao: Were Mother Teresa an evil banshee.
Me: your face
Hao: You forgot to type "is carved from Adonis' golden thigh meat itself."

This is tame, relatively speaking

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 18:27:44 -0400

Jessie: i want a poster printer
Jessie: so i can print superman holding dead batman
Jessie: and fap to it
Jessie: daily.

Brocabulary, the app

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 21:26:00 -0400

Clay: this one dude said that my definitions were
Clay: "half assed"
Me: hahahahahaha
Clay: i am now referencing him in the definition for "brodent" in the next update
Clay: i hope he reads it

Not replying actually causes him to go batshit insane

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 01:45:34 -0400

Ethan: WAAAAAIT
Ethan: oh yeah ee has a tumblr hehehe
Ethan: tell emily to write the girl's state chronicles
Ethan: pwetty please
Ethan: *Girls
Ethan: night
Ethan: toodeloo, as they say
Ethan: on the streets
Ethan: of candyland
Ethan: FUN FACT
Ethan: toodeloo is german for see you soon
Ethan: and now you know
Ethan: fun fact brought to you by fox news brand tampons
Ethan: and viewers like you
Ethan: brown ones

A battle of wits and mothers

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 01:24:51 -0400

Ethan: will send to my mom, forreals
Me: neat
Me: tell her best wishes from prashanth <3
Ethan: I do, every night before bed
Me: oh man, you're the one who made it worse
Me: for the record
Me: i'm sending this conversation to your mom, forreals
Me: and my mom
Ethan: ...
Me: and the mother of my children
Ethan: I can't wish my mom good night?
Ethan: I fail to see how this is worse
Me: all right, pinko
Ethan: if anything it's better
Me: whatever you say, lil che
Ethan: because I just took my pants off
Me: kim jong il is rolling in his billion-dollar estate
Ethan: naked
Ethan: lubricated with the hopes and dreams of south korea
Me: wrong korea, but sure
Ethan: ...
Me: now it's time for me to point and laugh
Ethan: that's why he's rolling in their hopes and dreams
Ethan: ...
Ethan: that was intentional, even if if was kind of bad
Me: that doesn't make any sense, and you should be ashamed of yourself
Ethan: at least I am naked
Me: false
Me: go v-chat random girls on the internet
Me: i hear that's what you usually do when you're naked
Me: whore
Me: whore
Ethan: that always turns out poorly
Me: you should know
Ethan: yeah
Me: communist
Ethan: name caller
Me: man i've been watching fox news lately
Ethan: I can tell
Me: WHY YOU ASK? BECAUSE I DISCOVERED WE GOT IT RECENTLY
Me: wanted to see what all the hubbub was about
Me: you know?
Ethan: you told me this
Me: if it really WAS that bad
Me: but yeah no
Ethan: the comedy
Ethan: you stay for the laughs
Me: they really do call people communists every other word
Ethan: it's better than snl
Me: and bill o'reilly is so unfathomably stupid
Me: like the logic he uses
Me: if people actually buy into that crap
Ethan: yeah, that worries me
Me: it's a sad commentary on how retarded americans actually are
Me: it actually makes me mad
Me: but intriguingly so
Me: so i keep watching
Me: and absorb the advertising
Me: it's exactly what they want
Me: I'M A PART OF THE MACHINE
Ethan: you're like fox's big filthy tampon
Ethan: and you love it
Me: that doesn't make any sense, and you should be ashamed of yourself
Ethan: "and absorb the advertising"
Me: (i actually did scroll up so i didn't have to type that again)
Me: oh
Ethan: bam
Ethan: right in the ovaries
Me: ... well, that's pretty well-done, i have to admit
Me: never would have made that connection
Me: but that's probably because i don't have a vagina
Ethan: thanks, I wrote a script in ichat to search for the word absorb
Me: thing is you probably did
Me: communist whore
Ethan: at least I don't live inside fox's vagina for a few days each month
Me: in that sense, i'm like a vagina-bear
Me: a neoconservative vagina-bear
Me: can someone say band name?
Me: TO THE BANDWAGON
Me: bam
Me: god i'm so good

On dildos

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 23:11:00 -0400

Duncan: my parents are paying for me to take glass blowing lessons this summer
Duncan: once i become skilled enough i'll be able to make custon pieces
Me: LOL WHAT THE FUCK?
Me: why the hell are you taking GLASS BLOWING LESSONS?
Me: that's one step away from sucking dix
Duncan: what?
Duncan: how?
Duncan: dude blowing glass would be awesome
Duncan: could make like anything
Me: like dildos, dildos, bongs, dildos
Duncan: there is no blowing in the making of dildos...
Duncan: im prettysure that theyre made with molds
Me: dick shaped molds
Duncan: yeah
Duncan: but thats not a part of glass blowing
Me: you've got me again
Me: oh you trickster you
Duncan: plus why the fuck would i make dildos?
Duncan: i get to CHOSE what i make
Duncan: part of the fun of it
Me: and then using the dildos later
Me: that's like the icing on the cake
Duncan: well maybe you have your dildo fantasies
Duncan: i on the otherhand shall be sticking to bongs
Me: MORE LIKE DONGS MIRITE
Me: *high five*
Duncan: hmmm
Duncan: depending on the situation
Duncan: could be a win
Duncan: like bong+chick
Duncan: = dildo sex and toke
Me: i can't believe i've convinced you to become a dildo aficionado
Me: this is a victory for me, frankly

Faggotry

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 23:07:09 -0400

Me: but yeah man sorry bout your sitch, had no idea
Me: OH DO YOU SEE THAT
Ray: is what I think she was trying to say
Me: HERE I WAS
Me: TRYING TO BE A COMFORTING BRO
Me: then you go and ruin it
Me: this is why i will rape you one day
Me: and by "i" i actually mean my goons
Ray: when did you get goons
Me: when my balls dropped, obviously
Me: when i was 3
Ray: http://img.moronail.net/img/1/9/1319.jpg
Me: bitch
Ray: alright
Ray: gotta rest up for olympics
Me: what events?
Ray: which some people here don't seem to take seriously
Ray: bball
Ray: soccer
Ray: maybe handball
Me: all sports made for gay men
Me: OK GLHF
Me: go get em, tiger
Ray: you're thinking of wrestling
Ray: and cricket
Me: NO
Me: DON'T YOU DARE
Me: THAT IS A MAN'S GAME
Ray: it's something british dudes
Ray: to separate their wild gay orgies
Me: that made no sense, and you should be ashamed
Me: GOOD NIGHT SIR

Talking to an artist

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 20:16:05 -0400

Kevin: I have taken a different approach
Kevin: of social commentary
Kevin: rather than the essay I was assigned
Me: well that's good
Me: always good to make english assignments fun for yourself
Kevin: thanks dad
Kevin: say
Kevin: can I borrow the car this friday?
Kevin: theres this girl I fancy
Kevin: Susie Jenkins
Me: i'm not to fulfill your weird dad/son fetishry, kevin
Kevin: and I think she'd really get a kick out of me driving up in the Ford
Kevin: So I can take her to the boardwalk
Kevin: and win her a stuffed animal by throwing baseballs at milk jars
Kevin: I'll have the car back by 9
Kevin: ad then I can start my homework
Me: i--i never loved you
Me: you were the product of your mother and the mexican gardener
Me: on a hot summer's day
Kevin: strangely enough
Kevin: thats more or less how I began my essay
Me: holy shit RECURSION
Kevin: "on a hot summer's day"
Me: SOMEONE GET ASIMOV ON THE LINE
Kevin: like father like son
Me: you're a freak, kevin
Me: you can't be remedied
Kevin: I'm your freak
Me: NO NO YOU'RE NOT
Me: YOU'RE CONOR'S
Kevin: and we will have to live a lie until I turn 18
Me: OH GOD
Kevin: and head off to college
Kevin: and when im placed in an orientation group with other people who marked "white" in the race box on the application
Kevin: ill notice how much darker my skin, nipples, and facial hair are
Kevin: and demand a DNA test
Kevin: the mexican apple-picker fiasco will be uncovered
Me: "apple-picker," yes
Kevin: I'll emancipate myself from the family that was never truly my own
Kevin: and begin my quest to mexico
Kevin: in an effort to find my father
Kevin: and perhaps myself along the way
Kevin: yes, it will be a trip of vagabondry and living off the land
Kevin: the bountiful mexican land
Kevin: In the end, I will discover that my father has crossed the border and had been deported several times
Kevin: and on his final attempt
Kevin: he was shot, mistaken for an apple thief
Kevin: in a cruel twist of fate that parallels my birth
Me: much like pobre juan: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8FBWa6WYzc
Kevin: that impoverished mexican housewife is wearing skinny jeans
Kevin: a staple of mexican sulture
Kevin: both stylish and practical
Kevin: for long days of farming maîze and raising 12 children
Me: oh look at that incorrectly placed diacritic
Me: look at you
Me: look atchoo, awww